Contemplation

I know you've all read about my attending the funeral of my friend, Justin Marcucci.  I walked away from it feeling uplifted and hopeful, still sad, but mostly grateful and blessed.  His brother shared a talk about Justin not living with resentment, anger, or malice towards others.  He left this life with no ill will towards anyone and could honestly say that there are very few, if any, who ever remained offended or mad at him--he would apologize and ask for forgiveness, just as he knew the Lord expected of him. 

It made me think....could I say the same thing?  My honest answer is no.  I cried for several hours after the funeral, not because of my sadness about Justin, but because of my sadness towards myself and my shame.  It isn't easy to admit this, openly admit this, but I still harbor sad and mad feelings towards certain people or situations.  Either way, I need to work on forgiving others.  I most definitely need to work on my forgiveness, because that is what I would want others to do for me.  Not to mention, I know the Lord expects it of me.  It is what the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, allows everyone to do...to forgive others, no matter for what reason.  It will take time, but I will focus my energy to do so.

But that's not why I'm writing this.  I'm writing in hopes that whomever reads this will know that I wish I could do this in person, to sit and talk to sincerely apologize for my actions, attitude, and words if I have ever knowingly or UNknowingly offended you or hurt you.  It may not mean as much coming from this posting, but I have genuinely put much thought into my need to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  Please forgive me for my outspoken manner, my opinionated comments, my sassy remarks, my lack of compassion..the list could go ON and ON.  But I'm truly sorry and hope you know I am trying my best to improve.  It may not seem like it on the outside, I may still put my foot in my mouth (which I'm so often known to do :), but I want to know that if anything ever happened to me, that I would knowI tried...I tried to apologize, ask for forgiveness and express my love to all those with whom I associate and am friends and family with.  In fact, I pulled my parents, sisters, niece, and nephews aside over the weekend to tell each of them how much I loved them, truly loved them.  If something were to happen, I don't want them to ever wonder if their daughter, sister, or Aunt loved them or not, cause the answer is ABSOLUTELY!

With all that being said, thank you for taking the time to read this (if you lasted this long) .  I appreciate the friendships I have developed over the years, even if only for a season and the love I feel from my family.  I am truly blessed with an AMAZING husband, who is the love of my life and the most thoughtful, sweet, tender, understanding and tolerant man.  He is an incredible daddy and continually shows the boys how much he loves playing, goofing around, joking, laughing, and loving he is.  Thanks babe, I love you.

Enough already!  Geesh, the sap is just flowing!  Sorry!  I'll stop now.  Wish I could reach out my arms and give you all a hug, but instead...I'll send my love. 

Wow, Where's the Time Gone??

Well, between having our computer crash and burn, using a dinosaur of a laptop now, being sick, baby poos, Aunt Candice's birthday, Disney on Ice, a girls night out, more sickness, more baby poos, Provo Beach Resort, attending a funeral of a close friend, spending over 30 hours in a car over a span of 4 days (for funeral), getting to see my sisters and thier kiddos, Conner's Spanish Dance Festival, a pile o' laundry, even more sickness (if you can believe it--uhg!), and even more poos (if you can believe it--uhg! :) would be why I was MIA from the blogging world for a while and explains our chaotic life as of late!  Pause--have to go change a baby blowout--crazy how it can creep into the belly button and even manage it's way up to the armpit!  Sorry, probably more than you wanted to know....

Ok, I'm back. After a quick tubby, pick up from preschool, feeding, and laundry change, I'm back.  I know, I know, you're jealous of the glamorous life I live.  What can I say?

I just looked back on a few of my texts to Jared and found a cute one that I want to share.  As many of you know, worthy Priesthood holders in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are able to give blessings to the sick.  Well, a few weeks ago, when we were fighting another round of coughs, little Dylan was coughing so hard during the night it would actually make him throw up.  After one such episode, he turned to me and said, "Mommy, can I have a prayer from Daddy to help my cough go away?"  How cute is that?  I think it's kinda neat my 3 year old knows the importance of Priesthood blessings and wanted one in the middle of the night!  Yes, this little 3 year old...

 Provo Beach Resort

Speaking of this 3 year old, the poor guy was kind of goofing around the other night, playing on his bed and such, and when he tried to get off his bed, took a rather nasty spill with his face taking the brunt of the fall--

Face + Toy Chest = OUCH!! 

Not sure these pics show the full effect, but there is a bump on the corner of his eye and a purple line down his cheek.

Here's a few fun pics from the boys going to the Provo Beach Resort with their Aunt.  When I was sick, she was kind enough to take them to go do something fun. 

 Conner being gobbled up by the Shark!

 Mmmm, Dylan sure is tasty!

 That Oliver, he's a nice bite full!

Ridin' the Waves!

I know what you're going to think after this next batch of pics.  Does Amanda ever do anything fun with her kids or is it always their Aunt Candice???  Well, mostly the latter, but I try to have a few fun times thrown in there! 

Disney On Ice--Incredible Seats!  Front Row and loving it! 

Can I please have a fairy God Mother to grant my every wish?  Pretty Please???

The Boys' favorite part...TOY STORY!

 Wait, I can't forget about the littlest Scoubes boy...he might just feel left out.  He's getting bigger by the minute.  We had our 4 month check up and he weighed 15 lbs and was in the 38th percentile, and in the 48th percentile for heighth!  To top it off, he didn't even cry when he got his shots--I know, amazing, RIGHT?!  He's so fun and the older boys absolutely LOVE to make him laugh and smile.

 Aiden's first time in the Johhny Jumper...

HUH?

My easy going, happy boy!

See?  I can be fun too.  I let them have fudgecicles for dessert one night!  Pure fun...

 Conner's Spanish Dance Festival Pics.  I ended up missing it, but luckily Conner was very understanding and Jared took pics and video.  Good thing there's one every year, so I can be there next year! 

Back, left boy, with red striped poncho! 

Getting ready to sing--a little blurry...  

He's in there somewhere amidst all the sombreros...farthest one back?

Well, Thanks for hanging in there with me through it all...I think I'm kind of finally caught up.  Wait, will I ever really, truly be caught up?  Probably not, but that's OK with me.  I learned something at the funeral of my childhood family friend.  Something he not only said to his family and friends, but lived and showed it through his actions: "LIFE IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!"  But more importantly, "THE GOSPEL IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!"  Get out there and do, do, do.  So when I'm struggling with my PPD or life in general, I'm gonna try to whisper this to myself.  Not that I'll be able to do it all the time, but it's worth a try and some effort--and I'm more than positive it will be worth it!!  So, since my laundry is piling higher by the minute, I better go and do...

 A baby could get lost in all this laundry!  Where'd he go?  Oh, he's the smiley thing in the middle :)

In loving memory of Justin Paul Marcucci

Seeing My World!

My mommy and daddy think I'm somethin' pretty special!  I personally think I'm one strong boy, being that I've pretty much held my head up on my own since I was only a month old, I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything.  Oh, and can you believe that I can type at the ripe old age of 3 1/2 months?  Well, not really...  Anyways, since I'm so strong, I have decided that laying on my back all the time is no fun and I constantly try sitting up.  So my mommy was perceptive enough (go mommy!) to realize she should try to help me see the world around me and borrowed this awesome Bumbo chair from her good friend (thank you!).  I absolutely love sitting in it.  Here....the pictures show just how much

I couldn't contain my happiness!

Huh?

Seriously, this is awesome!

I look to the left....

And to the right.....

Then back at dear ol' mom!

Then I get so tuckered out from all the excitement of my first time in the Bumbo, that I fall fast asleep.

And my mommy thought it was cute to see me holding in my own binky, which isn't anything new, just so darn cute!  Hey, what can I say?!

Hope you all enjoyed my first post to mommy's blog.  It might have been a little on the cheesy side, so if this is the last time, peace out.  Thanks for enjoying my new perspective with me!