So Much Better!

I appreciate all the understanding and love from my friends and family despite my craziness...I'm definitely feeling better.  For anyone wondering about my Post Partum Depression, I'm doing better.  I guess I just thought since I hadn't experienced it yet (at the six week mark), I wasn't going to.  Silly me.  And to add to it, I was already on a low dose of meds which added to my notion that it wasn't going to get me.  Alas, it did, and is, but I was able to recognize it (bout time!) and safely up my dose of meds and can already tell a difference.  Thank goodness for modern medicine that helps me on a daily basis!! I've learned there is no shame in taking a medication that helps me control my sadness and anxiety and helps me function as a happier, more calm, patient, loving and rational me.  I would recommend it, and have, to many who feel like they aren't themselves anymore and the sadness is ruling their lives--I know just what it's like.  After my 3rd baby, when I struggled with the decision of going on meds for my PPD, Jared helped me see it from a different perspective.  He told me, "What's the difference from my dad having to take medication for his diabetes or your dad for his blood pressure?  Something in their bodies isn't able to do it on their own and the medication helps them.  No difference with you.  Your body isn't able to make the chemicals it needs to and if you function better by taking it, it's a no brainer."  Well said, my love, well said.  So any of you out there reading, that's my plug to help yourself whether it's PPD or just situational depression, there is help. I'm of the opinion knowing someone else out there feels the way you do is comforting.  And any of you who know me, know I'm a talker.  I would love to hear and be a listening ear if you want to share or need to talk to someone else who knows what you're going through.  Phew, sorry.  Long tangent. 

We have had an interesting week around here, I got mastitis and Conner had surgery to get his adenoids out.  Thank goodness for antibiotics, because as fast and horrible as the mastitis came, within a day of getting medicine I was already feeling better.  Not to mention my Aiden has been an angel through it all--he really is a blessing I'm so grateful to have.  So sweet and such a snuggler.  Nothing better than a snuggly baby! :) 
Conner has been such a trooper through his surgery.  He was calm the morning of, didn't cry or freak at all.  Usually when kids come out of general anesthesia, they totally panic.  Not him, he was calm and sweet.  Jared and I were there waiting for him and he was a little groggy, but good.  He ate a couple of slushy's while in the recovery room and then we were able to go home.  I was a little worried he was gonna whine and milk this for all it was worth, but he hasn't.  He's been mellow and mild and only complained when it's truly bad.  He woke up this morning pale as a ghost and with a slight fever, but has slowly improved throughout the day.  And since there is no school tomorrow, he thankfully has another day to recover.  The doctor said it was a good decision to have the surgery, he only had 10% breathing room cause the adenoids were blocking 90%  of his nasal airway.  Due to months of his stuffiness, he learned to adjust how he talked and now he sounds kind of silly and will have to re-learn how to talk "normally".  But we're just grateful he was able to get the help he needed, will have less colds and sinus infections and can BREATHE!!!

More than anything, Oliver and Dylan are jealous that Conner has been able to have an endless supply of popsicles the last couple of days.  Other than that, those two little turkeys are doing great.  Oliver continues to be the easy going and willing to please everyone sort of kid.  Dylan continues to follow Oliver around like a shadow and most of the time, Oliver puts up with it.  Aiden had his 2 month check up this last week.  WHAT?  2 months??  Where has the time gone.  In certain aspects it has been a HARD and LONG 2 months-- adjusting to having a 4th, dealing with annoying winter sicknesses, and my PPD.  But at the same time, it feels like it's gone by in a blink of an eye.  My newborn baby is now 12 lbs, in 3 to 6 month clothing, and smiling and cooing at us (which is absolutely adorable!)  How did that happen??  I'm just trying to soak in every minute and finding myself doing things I have NEVER done with the other 3 boys (such as co-sleeping with him most nights).  That's ok, he's most likely my last and I get to indulge both myself and him.  I'll enjoy it while I can. :)

I'm learning to take more pics, I just need to take the time to download them.  As I've read others blogs, I love seeing the pics, it's what makes me come back for more.  So hopefully I'll get some updated pics for you all and you won't be bored by reading my ramblings and will get to SEE it.

Okay, thanks for reading, sorry if it was boring.  Despite my pity parties, I do realize I am truly blessed and that helps me keep going on a daily basis.  I couldn't do it without my sweet husband who played Super Dad multiple times this week and my crazy boys who keep me smiling.  Have a good week and sending happy vibes your way!

Postpartum

Postpartum depression....hmmmm, what more to say.  Well, actually, let's just say it has a funny way of hitting you up side the head and makes you hurt--physically, mentally, and emotionally. That's all.

Back to Life

Ugh, I hate to admit it, but I'm not looking forward to life, school, and routines starting back up tomorrow.  The lazy mornings of sleeping in and staying in pj's are going to be replaced by wrestling the boys to get ready for early school--with hopes that we have minimal meltdowns! It's gonna take a few days, but I know once we start again, it will be good.  I'm a creature of habit and I like routines--normally...I have to keep telling myself that. 

As we read scriptures tonight and talked a few minutes before bed about what to expect tomorrow, both Conner and Oliver said they were excited to be in 1st grade and 3rd grade.  Wait, put the brakes on, just cause it's a new calendar year, doesn't mean it's a new school year.  Oh, to see the disappointment on their faces.  Just back to good old Kindergarten and 2nd grade, what a bummer.  So I tried to put a spin on it that there is good aspects to going back.  They weren't having it.  Guess we'll see what tomorrow brings!

Last night I had a sad little mommy moment.  We were trying to get the boys excited about the changes in Primary today and get Dylan revved up to even be going to Primary and I said, "When we moved here, Oliver was in Nursery, Conner was a Sunbeam, and Dylan was an itty bitty baby"  Then it hit me...Conner is going to be baptized this year, Oliver is close behind him, and Dylan is now a Sunbeam with Aiden being an itty bitty baby.  Whoa. Tears started flowing and the boys were looking at me and confused as to why.  I told them it's just cause I'm emotional after the baby--I use that excuse a lot lately!! :)

I'm pretty sure cause this blog is so new, most of you who read this are friends and family, already familiar with our beliefs in the gospel and Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I apologize if this gets too long, but I want to share this and also record it for my own sake.  So here's my little spiritual sidenote--Since I was released as Primary President I haven't really looked forward to going to church and when I am there, it's not like it's some spiritual experience...until today.  I loved our testimony meeting and mostly, Relief Society (weird, huh? :) The lesson made me think and contemplate my own spirituality and status.  We focused on Proverbs 31:10-31.  Virtues.  It made me think, what virtues do I possess?  Which ones do I want to possess but don't?  A couple of questions were posed...Why are virtues important?  It was shared that "Virtues are the guardian of our agency"--just think about that for a moment--deep. For all those who think our gospel beliefs limit us, it actually can free us.  Another question, "Does the Lord want us to do things we don't have the capacity for?"  Some said yes and others said no--depends on your perspective.  Yes, because we need to stretch and gain virtues in order to do things we couldn't do.  As well, we can do them because it's through the Lord that allows us to do great things.  Others said no, because the Lord doesn't give us things we can't do.  I see both sides and know we need to rely on Him in order to achieve greatness, but that He doesn't give us more than we can handle.  Sometimes it doesn't feel like that, life's too emotionally overwhelming, but through Him we can!!  As well, it was also shared that as women, we can be overly hard on ourselves and instead of recognizing the great virtues we each posses, we critique ourselves and think we have soooo much to work on.  I have my moments where I'm very hard on myself, but there's other moments when I can't focus on that--I can only focus on what I need to accomplish and how or what tools I have in order to accomplish them, ya know?  Does that make sense?  Well, this lesson opened my eyes and reminded me of my divinity as a daughter of God, but also what virtues do I want to improve on--perfect for the new year.  I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to our Relief Society lessons that will be focusing on Virtues.   (thanks for letting me share that little tidbit)

Well, wish me luck. I'm actually kind of nervous for tomorrow.  I hope I can get the 3 boys off to school without them being majorly late.  Do my laundry that is a mile high. Clear some of my front room, at least so I can walk in it without tripping over stuff.  And I'm not even sure when I'm going to tackle putting Christmas away--that's an overwhelming thought in and of itself.  Here's to a good week and luck to all of you other mommies out there!